God, I’m just really wondering, WHY. WHY. WHY. You knew that he’d be one that could make me feel how I picture being tangibly loved being like. You knew that when I had met him that I would know that he’s extraordinary. But if You’re not going to give him to me, why would You create that desire in my heart? I’m CLEARLY missing something. Please fill me in. Maybe You’re trying to teach my self control. But how can You expect me to practice self-control with N. He’s on the list of top 5 greatest men I’ve met in my life. Better than I thought JJ was. Just all around better. Our chemistry is off the charts. He knows it too. I can tell he gets scared because he runs right back to his girlfriend. But it’s not my fault. He brings that out in me. I can’t help who I like. I can’t help that he makes me charismatic and flirty around him. I can’t help the fact that he makes me feel so comfortable with absolutely NO makeup on and my hair looking like a COMPLETE mess (I mean seriously, if you saw me, you’d think I was homeless). And I can tell he thinks I’m beautiful. Something I’ve noticed about myself is that I’m incredibly intuitive and I know these things. God PLEASE tell me you have someone like him in store for me. PLEASE. It pains me just thinking that I’ll have to settle for someone LIKE him and not actually him. I wasn’t guarding my heart.
